Climbing on my soapbox

A good friend once told me, "You’re so opinionated that if I helped you prepare a salad, you'd probably tell me I was slicing the radishes the wrong way." She was right.

I have opinions about everything: political subjects, social subjects, those of a personal nature. Raise a topic – any topic – and I’m sure to have something to say about it. The Chinese economy? No problem. The role of technology in today’s world? Easy. Parenting in the 21st century? Let me tell you……This is not necessarily a good thing: it pisses people off.

And what makes my opinions particularly annoying is that I distribute them, unsolicited and worldwide, through emails.

“Furcryinoutloud, not another one!” I can almost hear my friends and family sigh when one of my messages appears in their Inboxes. But, alas, electronic opinions and advice are my forte, and I issue both with gusto.

The offspring are among my most favoured beneficiaries. I send them little spontaneous notices – often about someone who’s died or at the very least suffered some terrible reversal of fortune – with a cheery line reminding them to take good care of themselves and count their blessings. “Dave’s mother went in her sleep this morning. Took a sip of water, closed her eyes, and that was that. You’ll live longer if you take your Vitamin Bs daily instead of just when the urge strikes you.”

Or, “Darlings, it’s snowing a lot here. Hope you’re having a great time in Florida, but fingers crossed you threw those spiked overshoes I bought you last Christmas into the trunk of the car for your trip home from the airport.”

I just can’t help myself.

The point is I like to opine, and I love to write. I can sit by my computer for hours, willing it to produce an incoming message. This can sometimes take all morning. But I’m a patient person, and when that little pi-ping goes off and there’s a (1) beside my Inbox, I am filled with anticipation. Of course the excitement evaporates immediately if it’s the Art Gallery broadcasting next month’s activities; or one of those exasperating ads for penis enhancers (I’d like to know why the people that send these wicked messages haven’t yet figured out that I don’t have one). But if it’s a message from a friend, I get right to it and fire off a response.

Not just any response, but a long, detailed one that might go on for three or four or twelve paragraphs. The sort of thing that, were it on lovely vellum, you’d take into the bathroom with you for company. And it’s full of opinions and advice.

So, in the interests of keeping family and friends from deserting me entirely, I’ve decided a blog will be my diversionary outlet. My very own opinion ventilation mechanism.

It’ll show up on Saturdays – with a link – beginning February 5th. If you enjoy reading it, add it to your Favourites and forward it to your friends so they too can follow my weekly rants. And astute observations.

  

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